On first dates.

I've been on three first dates in the last ten days. This is HUGE for me, because I kind of accidentally took a dating hiatus from romance for the last ten years. It wasn't like I was intentionally avoiding dalliances with men (WHO SAYS "DALLIANCES WITH MEN" EVEN? SOMEONE WHO ISN'T HAVING THEM, THAT'S FOR SURE), but I was not actively seeking them out and I've discovered that if you're not looking for love at all, sometimes it seems to forget to look for you, too.

So I've jumped back into the dating game. It's hard work, and emotionally exhausting, and most of the time I wonder if it's even worth it, but then I remember that having a family of my own is a goal that I'd like to say I've reached someday, and if I'm not meeting anybody then that's 100% not going to happen.

I've heard all kinds of dating advice from people, but if I'm honest: most of it has gone in one ear and out the other. I must be doing something right, though, because all three guys I've had first dates with have asked me out for second ones. I told myself (on the advice of Aziz Ansari's Modern Romance) that I'll go on two dates with everyone if I'm only feeling lukewarm about them. First dates make people nervous, and I don't know if nervous-them is an accurate representation of who they are and how well we connect. So yeah.

THREE DATES. I'M KILLING IT. It's weird to think about it too much, because I don't particularly like online dating -- it feels strange and unnatural to start any kind of relationship with romantic intentions, and I prefer to get to know people as friends and JUST PEOPLE before moving any further. But clearly that hasn't worked for me in the past, so I'm trying something new. A year ago, I wouldn't even be willing to schedule dates with men, let alone follow through and go on them. PROGRESS! Personal growth!

I'm proud of myself, but also exhausted. If you're in a relationship please hug your significant other. If you're not in a relationship and you're okay with that and you're not looking for a significant other, hug your pet or sibling or best friend, or whomever it is that provides you with love and affection in your day-to-day life. This process is tiring, and it makes me want to work harder to appreciate the people who so freely give me love regularly.