Being Too Much

Facebook notified me that a year ago today, I made a post about how I felt like I was Too Much, and I was struggling with learning to cope with those feelings.

Being Too Much is something I've felt for a lot of my life. I've always had a lot of feelings, and have often struggled with how to express them without being overly-dramatic or appearing to be crazy. My emotions make me impulsive sometimes, and it's hard to explain-away the brash behavior once my rational mind kicks back into gear.

It was kind of cool, though, to reflect on how I feel about my "muchness" this time this year in comparison. I feel like I've come to terms that I am ~different~ in some ways, and that some of those ways are good and some are...less good. It's almost weird to feel okay with this aspect of myself. In the past, it's always been something that I tried to hide or compensate for, and it often made me feel ashamed of myself. Now, it's just. Me. I am a lot sometimes.

I can point out almost exactly what has led me to this sudden self-acceptance, and it's been the people who love me. They say that if you hear something often enough, you start to believe it. I frequently use this trick to desensitize myself to information, and I'm so lucky that I've surrounded myself by people that share in positive affirmations.

It's taken me years, but I feel like I've finally found the people who really get me. That's not to say that all friends I've had in the past haven't understood me, or that they weren't good enough friends. But the people that I'm close to right now feel like they click better with me and my life than in the past. I'm sure most of it is my own ability to open myself up to these friendships in much more vulnerable ways than I was able to when I was younger.

No matter HOW or WHY, the fact is that I am surrounded by amazing people these days, and they tell me pretty regularly that I'm great. We all love to exchange compliments and affirmations, and because we're receiving them more often, we're getting better at accepting them. Without the affirmation from my friends, I don't think that I'd have been able to come to terms with my Muchness at the speed that I have.

I may be too much for some people, but I am more than enough for others, and sometimes having that emotional parachute to catch you when you feel like you're falling seems to be enough to keep the mean thoughts away.