Previously, this blog was used to document various experiences with no truly specific purpose, and no consistency. Years would pass between blog posts because I had no idea what to talk about.
That's changing now, which is proof that I am enthusiastic and stubborn, and we'll see how long this experiment lasts.
I'm 31 years old. Turning 30 in 2016 was actually pretty chill, despite the impending existential dread that everyone warned me would descend upon my life and wreak chaos. That never happened, but maybe it was just delayed -- I'm turning 32 in a month and a half, and suddenly I feel panicky about LIFE and what it means, and what I want, and who I am, and where I want to be.
According to a random life expectancy calculator, I could be expected to live to be 85 years old (which is actually less than my peers, thanks to my current weight and lack of exercise). I mean, I DON'T EVEN WANT TO LIVE THAT LONG but okay. If that were to be true, then I'm not even halfway through my expected lifespan, and WHY SHOULD I PANIC ABOUT MY GENERAL EXISTENCE?
If only logic worked when it game to anxiety and feelings. It doesn't, and that's why we're here.
I'm struggling with a lot of things: who I am, where I fit in my family, where I fit in the grand scheme of things, what I'm capable of, who I love, who loves me, where I want to be, what I want to do, what I want to be known for...the things that run through my head about the possibilities of my life are, frankly, exhausting. For years, I've been an advocate for self-care and mental-health-awareness, and I guess this blog overhaul is just another means of doing that.
I don't know what I want from life, and some days I don't even know who I am, but I'm going to try and figure it out. My reflections will be posted here, and if you end up reading this, thank you for letting me expose the vulnerability of uncertainty in a society that wants us to always have it together.
I'm Christa, I'm 31, and I'm looking -- although what I'm looking for isn't clear quite yet. Let's do this.
About Me
- christa
- Life is about learning experiences, and exposing yourself to as many different things as you can, and about growing as a person and helping other people grow. That long, run-on sentence is what I want to think about my life when I'm on my deathbed. I want to be able to say to myself, "I did as much as I was able to and I learned all that I could about the world around me."
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