On Life and Death, and creating meaning from both.....

Last weekend, my grandma passed away in her sleep. Two days after, her sister also passed away in her sleep. It's been a rough week for my family.

My mom had to write (or help write) her mother's obituary, and she was struggling with what to say and what to include. How do you summarize a life that lasted 84 years into a few paragraphs? What are the most important things? I posed this question to my mom, but the asking was really more to myself.

I've spent the last week trying to think of what I want people to think about me after I'm gone. This is a struggle, because a) what do I care what people think about me when I'm not even around anymore and b) because it's HARD to pinpoint what we want to be known for. Every day is a new chance to reexamine and recreate ourselves into the people we want to be, and sometimes it feels like I'm stuck in a complacent life because it's comfortable and easy and because real lasting and meaningful change is hard.

I keep saying things are hard or difficult or rough. But isn't that the essence of life? We're fed lines like "nothing that is good comes easy." There must be some truth to that.

Are you able to ask yourself honestly -- who am I? Who do I wish that I was? Is there a substantial difference between the two? How can you close that gap?

When I die (or even while I live, if I'm REALLY honest), I want to be known for kindness and thoughtfulness. I want to be known for making life a little less lonely, both for myself and for others. I want to be known for being hardworking and determined and reliable. I want to be known for my hospitality, and for being an encouraging friend, and for running and gardening and being well-read and even-tempered and good at meditating. Some of these things I am already. Others? There is still a long way to go before I can truthfully call myself all of them.